not feelin yourself after having a baby

2007-01-26T04:45:00.000-08:00

I am 24 and gave bith to my son 5 months ago. I didnt feel my happy self after having Callum and didnt really understand what was wrong. It all started when Callum was 4weeks old and my partner and I went shopping, I started to feel light headed and my partner had to take over pushing the pram. From that day on I didne think the baby was safe with me even when it came down to pushing a trolly with him in it. Many time I would have to go back to the car because I would go all faint and hot, I felt like everyone was looking at me and had panic attacks. I heard alot of pepole get post natel depression but didnt think I would get it. I did not know how many different ways it could affect. My partner went back to work and thats when the tears kicked in. I cried everytime Callum woke for his bottle, Iwould stay in my pyjamas all day with the curtains closed and when the health visitor knocked I would not answer the door. I made out to my family and friends Iwas coping really well faking my laughs an smiles. It was my partner who one day told me he thought I had a bit of post natel depression, I was addiment I was fine and I had even covinced myself I was. Then one day it all got to much and I burst into tears, it finally had happend 'the admission' I knew I had the baby blue bug. After that day I still found it hard to talk about how I felt, my doctor was really nice and handled it with care. He offered me tablets but I didnt want anything. Callum is 5 months old now and Im defentley still not myself.
Any one that would like to talk about this or anyone that is pregnant or going through the same thing please reply